Подводим итоги
Writing Task 2 Academic Module
You are advised to spend a maximum of 40 minutes on this task.
Write an essay on the following topic:
Crime is increasing in many countries.
Discuss some of the reasons for this increase and suggest ways in which governments can combat the problem.You should write at least 250 words.
You are required to support your arguments with relevant information and examples based on your own ideas, knowledge and experience.
I. Прочитайте и проанализируйте тип и структуру приведенного ниже эссе. Обратите внимание на комментарии и подсказки эксперта по IELTS, указанные в правой колонке.
In this essay, causes of crime are immediately followed by paragraphs describing possible government action. You could also organise your writing so that all the causes are together, then all the possible government action afterwards.
In this writing, you have to connect crime with what the government can do about it. So, it is important to think of causes for crime that the government can prevent in some way.
Exam Tips
This is a good paragraph introducing the topic and making it clear that it is a very wide subject area.
It is indeed the case that most countries have seen an increase in crime over recent years. The underlying causes of this rise are complex and not easily analysed. What are some of the factors involved, and what action can governments take to prevent further increases?
Crime is frequently connected to poverty. Those at the bottom of society, with few opportunities and perhaps little education, are more likely to be tempted into a life of crime as a solution to their problems, financial and otherwise. The problems of poverty are magnified when the gap between rich and poor widens. When the rest of society has access to a comfortable lifestyle, it surely makes hardship even more difficult to bear; again, crime may seem a tempting alternative.
Governments can certainly make great efforts to close the gap between rich and poor, and offer everyone a reasonable education which will bring them greater opportunities in the future. Social welfare and education systems exist in many countries that succeed in doing this. Of course, they must be funded by taxpayers' money, and increases in taxation will always be difficult for any government to introduce. However, increases in crime are also a heavy burden on the taxpayer, as prison systems are extremely expensive and already under enormous pressure.
Social factors may also have led to crime increases. Over the last twenty or thirty years, many societies have undergone rapid change and development. Family structures have changed, and feelings of community have vanished. As social units become less and less close-knit, the unspoken rules that guided behaviour and kept everyone in check disappear, and one of the results may be crime.
This is a useful paragraph - you could use it to conclude many IELTS essays.
"It is also generally true to say that..." is a useful phrase for Task Two essays.
Remember to explain all your ideas using examples. This will make your writing stronger and your opinions more convincing.
"undergo" (vb) = to experience, but with a negative sense.
"vanish" (vb) = to disappear
It is impossible for any government to turn back the clock. Society has changed and is continuing to do so. What governments must do is accept these changes and respond to them in a practical way. If there are more one-parent families, there is little point harking back nostalgically to the days when everyone had two. What governments must do is try to ensure that such families do not live in poverty or experience discrimination that might remove their opportunities to lead fulfilling and law-abiding lives.
It is also generally true to say that many criminals commit crimes after having been in prison. This clearly suggests that prison has little or no effect.
Many people feel that prison is therefore too "soft". A further suggestion is that our punishment systems should be made to fit the crimes, so that a vandal could be forced to clean the streets as part of his punishment. This may bring the message home more clearly than a few months in prison.These are just a few reasons and suggestions on the subject of crime and how it may be tackled. There are many other areas of debate that an essay of this length cannot discuss.
(477 words)
і
II. Предлагаем вам прочитать несколько эссе, написанных на экзамене IELTS . Ознакомьтесь с комментариями экзаменаторов по поводу поставленных итоговых оценок.
GENERAL TRAINING MODULE WRITING TASK 2
You should spend no more than 40 minutes on this task.
You have been asked to write about the following topic.
In Britain, when someone gets old they often go to live in a home with other old people where there are nurses to look after them. Sometimes the government has to pay for this care.
Who do you think should pay for this care, the government or the family?
Give reasons for your answer and include any relevant examples from your experience.
You should write at least 250 words.
Sample Answer 1 [8]
It is true that the old peoples situation gets worse in the many countries. The first...1 question must be what they wants and what they needs? Especially their necessity are more benefit more respect more quiet life.
If they have been working for a long time, in the any company or in the public sector, and when they get old that’s means during their retire’s time company or government must be responsible of their welfare, it is just my opinion. They should take care of them.
In addition to company or government. If they have good money they can look after theirselves. we can do something to make easier their life for example an organization, or a voluntary association, un
The families or relatives’s responsibility depends on their wealthy situations.
If they could do they should do anything.Governments or their fa............... place could supply them with life insurance and a good social
security policy. The social community center or old age pensioner like in the Britain are very useful for them.
For all of them life is hard and gets harder in their old ages. They expect more attention ... and good life
The old people, if do not want lost them. we should do anything that what we able to do.
EXAMINER COMMENT Band 5
There are quite a lot of relevant ideas in the answer but they are not always well supported and sometimes they are unclear. There are some areas in the answer where the organization becomes weak and the reader finds the message difficult to follow. Nevertheless, the writer’s view is apparent and there is a logic flow to the points given. There are a lot of mistakes in the answer, and some parts, such as conclusion, are very hard to follow because of these errors. Although there is some appropriate vocabulary, sentence control is very weak. These problems are made worse by the poor correcting which sometimes makes words unreadable.
Sample Answer 2
One of the most challenging problems of today’s society is the question who should be responsible for our old people. It’s not only a financial problem but also a question of the system we want our society to have. In my essay I would like to consider different models.
Firstly, the company can be responsible for their retired employees. For this reason a special fund could be established. The advantage of this model is, if you believe in the capitalist system, that it should be the cheapest solution. A possible problem is that the companies might have competition disadvantage due to higher staff costs.
A second solution is that the government has to have the responsibility for the old people’s case. It can finace this with its tax incomes. Actually, this is the most democratic model since everybody gets as much money as he or she needs.
Unfortunately, as the present situation in our society shows, this solution seems not to work very well. The government can no longer afford supporting all the old peoples.Another way of solving this problem is to give such the responsibility to the individual that means that everybody has to save money during their working life for the time after their retirement. This seems to be not a very fair model because their will certainly exist people who can’t afford to save part of their salary. In this case the government would have to save for them.
1 В оригинале эссе очень много зачеркиваний и исправлений. Некоторые слова невозможно прочитать, в тексте они представлены многоточием.
A last solution is to go back to the old model of “the big family” who cares for all their members. I don’t think this is possible in our days society because the family structures have so much changed.
To sum up, I have to admit that I can’t find a really good solution for this problem all models have advantages and disadvantages. Certainly we have to think about this topic much more in the future.
(319 words)
EXAMINER COMMENT Band 8
This is a very well organized script which contains a lot of well-supported arguments and analyses the topic from different angels. The ideas follow each other well and there is a very honest conclusion. The answer is easy to read. There are some areas where the expression is clumsy but this makes little difference to the overall flow of the answer. There are minor errors in spelling and structure.
ACADEMIC WRITING WRITING TASK 2
You should spend about 40 minutes on this task.
Present a written argument or case to an educated reader with no specialist knowledge of the following topic.
The first car appeared on British roads in 1888. by the year 2000 there may be as many as 29 million vehicles on British roads.
Alternative forms of transport should be encouraged and international laws introduced in control car ownership and use.
What are your views?
You should use your own ideas, knowledge and experience and support your arguments with examples and relevant evidence. You should right at least 250 words.
Sample Answer 1
Nowaday, there are a lot of cars on British road and they have increased day to day. By the year 2000 there may be as many as 29 million vehicles on British roads. In this essay, I intend to examine about the solutions of these problems.
Firstly, people living in Britain have to think about themselves. If they used the bus and train instead of their car, this problem would resolve a little. Because of this, the British government should introduce to control car ownership and use. For example, the government can ban to enter the road by car in the someday all family from a house.
Secondly, the buses and trains of government should be free for public population. Thus, the people would use these transport vehicles of their own car. After that, the roads in Britain would be safer and more comfortable.
Lastly the number of cars that are exported from another country should decrease, and the prices of car should increase in case they aren’t overcrowded. For example, the prices of cigarettes increased and the consumption of cigarettes went down.
In conclusion, if these measures put into action the problem of traffic can be decreased in the British roads.
EXAMINER COMMENT Band 5
The answer is short at just under 200 words and thus loses marks for content. There are some relevant arguments but these are not very well developed and become unclear in places. The organization of the answer is evident through the use of fairly simple connectives but there are problems for the reader in that there are many missing words and word order is often incorrect. The structures are quite ambitious but often faulty and vocabulary is kept quite simple.
Sample Answer 2_________________________________________________________________
The transport has been one of the most important problems for the last two centuries. The problem began with the development and the growing of the cities.
Before the eighteenth century the people lived in small villages or towns and did not have necessity to go too far. People did not worry about the time to arrive in some where.
Nowadays the situation changed. Many cars on the streets and many people need to go to any place. The numbers of car has increased and as a result there are many problems: pollution, noise, car accident, insufficient car park and petroleum shortage.
On the other hand, people use car to go anywhere: to work, to spend holiday and to amusement. Meanwhile the car is important the cities must have another solution. It is important to organize its using and to meet alternative ways.
In big cities there are some alternatives like underground (metro), coach, tram and bicycles. In China and Cuba, for example, they use a lot of bicycles for substituting the cars or coaches.
It would be better to think about others different kinds of transport. In Brazil the government has asked about transport on the rivers. In this country there are many rivers where it is possible to go to different places. In general, they are flat rivers.
Another kind of transport is car that uses solar energy. Probably they do not have pollution problem and it is cheaper than others car.
In conclusion, the transport is a social problem in big cities but its solution depend on new technologies, others kind of energy and political aspects.
EXAMINER COMMENT Band 6
There are quite a lot of ideas and while some of these are supported better than others, there is overall coherence to the answer. The introduction is perhaps slightly long and more time could be devoted to answering the question. The answer is fairly easy to follow and there is good punctuation. Organizational devices are evident although some areas of the answer become unclear and would benefit from more accurate use of connectives. There are some errors in the structures but there is also evidence of the production of complex sentence forms. Grammatical errors interfere slightly with comprehension.______________________________________________________________________
ACADEMIC MODULE WRITING TASK 2
You should spend about 40 minutes on this task.
Present a written argument or case to an educated reader with no specialist knowledge of the following topic.
The threat of nuclear weapons maintains world peace. Nuclear power provides cheap and clean energy.
The benefits of nuclear technology far overweigh the disadvantages.
Do you agree or disagree?
You should use your own ideas, knowledge and experience and support your arguments with examples and relevant information.
You should write at least 250 words.
Nuclear power is an alternative source of energy which is carefully being evaluated during these times of energy problems. During these times we can say that we have energy problem, but in more or less 50 years, we will be facing an energy crisis.
Nuclear power is an alternative source of energy and unlike othe sources such as solar energy, nuclear power is highly effective is highly effective for industrial perpouses. If it is handled correctly, there really is no danger for the public. It is cheap, there is no threat of pollution and best of all it is limitless. It is difficult to think of nuclear power as a good source of energy for people in general. This is due to the use it has been given since its birth during the second world war. It is expressed as military power and in fact at the moment nuclear power is limited to few hands who consider themselves world powers. When and if there is a change of idiology regarding the correct use of nuclear power, then we may all benefit from all the advantages nuclear power can give us.
If we outweigh the advantages and disadvantages of nuclear technology, we then have the following: as stated before, the advantages are that there is limitless supply, it is cheap, it is effective for industrial perpouse, and still there are many benefits which have not yet been discovered. The disadvantages are at present time that it is limited to only a few countries who regard it as safe military power. Also if mishandled, there is risk for the population around the plant to undergo cartamination as we all know happened in Chernobyl. If these disadvantages can be overcome, then it is clear that nuclear energy can give us more benefits then problems. It will in the future be very important as the energy crisis is not far ahead.
In conclusion, nuclear power is good, it can be safe, and we will all benefit. It is up to our leaders to see that it is handled well so that we can all benefit from it.
EXAMINER COMMENT Band 7
The answer is well written and contains some good arguments. It does tend to repeat these arguments but the writer’s point of view remains clear throughout. The message is easy to follow and ideas are arranged well with good use of cohesive devices. There are minor problems with coherence and at times the expression is clumsy and imprecise. There is a wide range of structures that are well handled with only small problems, mainly in the areas of spelling and word choice.
1
III. Сейчас вам предлагается прочитать вариант эссе , написанного на тему Should marine mammals be kept in captivity in marine parks? Для того чтобы проверить, насколько вы хорошо усвоили методику написания сочинения для экзамена IELTS, просим ответить на контрольные вопросы, приведенные ниже. Обратите внимание, что экзаменатору, дающему оценку вашей письменной работе, приходится подобным же образом анализировать ваш опус.
The issue of whether we should allow marine parks to stay open has been widely debated in our community recently. It is an important issue because it concerns fundamental moral and economic questions about the way we use our native wildlife. A variety of different arguments have been put forward about this issue. This essay will consider arguments for having marine parks and point to some of the problems with these views. It will then put forward reasons for the introduction of laws which prohibit these unnecessary and cruel institutions.
1 Это модельное эссе взято из учебника по письменной практике, и поэтому значительно пространнее тех, что обычно пишутся по IELTS.
It has been argued that dolphin parks provide the only opportunity for much of the public to see marine mammals. Most visitors, so this argument goes, live in cities and never get to see these animals. It is claimed that marine parks allow the average citizen to appreciate our marine wildlife. However, dolphins, whales and seals can be viewed in the wild at a number of places on the oceanic coasts. In fact, there are more places where they can be seen in the wild than places where they can be seen in captivity. Moreover, most Australians, for example, would have to travel less to get to these locations than they would to get to the marine parks on the Gold Coast. In addition, places where there are wild marine mammals do not charge an exorbitant entry fee - they are free.
Some researchers contend that we need marine parks for scientific research. They argue that much of our knowledge of marine mammals comes from studies which were undertaken at marine parks. The knowledge which is obtained at marine parks, so this argument goes, can be useful for planning for the conservation of marine mammal species. However, park research is only useful for understanding captive animals and is not useful for learning about animals in the wild. Dolphin and whale biology changes in marine park conditions. Their diets are different, they have significantly lower life spans and they are more prone to disease. In addition, marine mammals in dolphin parks are trained and this means that their patterns of social behaviour are changed. Therefore research undertaken at marine parks is generally not reliable.
It is the contention of the Marine Park Owners Association that marine parks attract a lot of foreign tourists. This position goes on to assert that these tourists spend a lot of money, increasing our foreign exchange earnings and assisting our national balance of payments. However, foreign tourists would still come to Australia if the parks were closed down. Indeed, surveys of overseas tourists show that they come here for a variety of other reasons and not to visit places like Seaworld. Tourists come here to see Australia’s native wildlife in its natural environment and not to see it in cages and cement pools. They can see animals in those conditions in their own countries. Furthermore, we should be promoting our beautiful natural environment to tourists and not the ugly concrete marine park venues.
Dolphin parks are unnecessary and cruel. The dolphins and whales in these parks are kept in very small, cramped ponds, whereas in the wild they are used to roaming long distances across the seas. Furthermore, the concrete walls of the pools interfere with the animals' sonar systems of communication. In addition, keeping them in pools is a terrible restriction of the freedom of fellow creatures who may have very high levels of intelligence and a sophisticated language ability. Moreover, there are many documented cases of marine mammals helping humans who are in danger at sea or helping fisherman with their work.
In conclusion, these parks should be closed, or at the very least, no new animals should be captured for marine parks in the future. Our society is no longer prepared to tolerate unnecessary cruelty to animals for science and entertainment. If we continue with our past crimes against these creatures we will be remembered as cruel and inhuman by the generations of the future. [9]
2) The internal organisation of the paragraphs - revision
Paragraphs 2, 3 and 4 all contain opposing arguments and supporting arguments. The opposing arguments are problematised and the supporting arguments are presented as nondebatable. You have already studied this structure in detail but we will revise it again here by looking at just one of these paragraphs: the second paragraph. Answer the following questions about paragraph 2:
1. Does paragraph 2 begin with statements that support or oppose the writer's main premise?
2. How many opposing arguments does the writer present in this paragraph?
3. What problematising phrases does the writer use to make these opposing statements appear debatable and possibly untrue?
4. What connective does the writer use to tell the reader that s/he is shifting from opposing arguments to supporting arguments?
5. How many arguments does the writer present in this paragraph, that support his/her main premise?
6. What connectives does the writer use to list the supporting arguments in this paragraph?
3) A paragraph that only presents supporting arguments Note: Paragraph 5 of the model is very different from paragraphs 2, 3 and 4. The writer begins the paragraph by restating the main premise - "Dolphin parks are unnecessary and cruel." Then the writer only presents arguments that support the main premise. There are no opposing arguments. This is because the writer has already dismissed the opposing arguments in earlier paragraphs and is now attempting to convince the reader that the main premise is the best and most correct position on the issue. When you are writing your own essay for your course include one or more paragraphs which only contain supporting arguments after you have dealt with all the opposing arguments.
Answer the following questions about paragraph 5:
1. How many different supporting arguments does the writer present in this paragraph?
2. What connectives does the writer use to list these arguments?
Еще по теме Подводим итоги:
- Часть шестая Александр и Александрия, или Греция подводит итог
- Подводя итог, можно назвать дискуссию о понимания права в российской и зарубежной юридической науке далеко неплодотворной в концептуальном плане. Она не способствует развитию теоретического правоведения.
- 3.4. ИТОГИ
- Итоги развития естествознания
- ИТОГИ ВАШИНГТОНСКОЙ КОНФЕРЕНЦИИ
- ИТОГИ
- ИТОГИ
- Итоги
- 5. ИТОГИ
- НЕКОТОРЫЕ ИТОГИ
- Итоги войны.
- Итоги нэпа.
- Итоги развития.
- Общеполитические итоги
- § 6. Промежуточные итоги
- Предварительные итоги
- Глава 9. Итоги
- 8. Итоги и перспективы.
- Итоги деятельности Японских корпораций 2002-2003 гг.
- Часть четвертая ИТОГИ